Title: “Land Rush Disport: A Humorous Take on Oklahoma’s History and Drinking Etiquette for Kids”

Article, Limerick and Haiku


As we commemorate the anniversary of the Oklahoma Land Rush, it’s hard not to imagine the chaos that must have ensued when more than 50,000 people rushed to claim their homesteads at noon in 1889. Tales of “Sooners” who sneaked in early to secure the best land have become legendary, but what if we applied the concept of “Sooners” to modern-day situations? Say, for example, kids and their drinking habits?

According to the witty observation of William F. Buckley Jr., confining kids’ drinking to a designated area could avoid the problem of drunken car rides home from out-of-town bars. But perhaps we can take it a step further and draw parallels with the Oklahoma Land Rush. Imagine if kids had their own version of a “Land Rush” when it came to drinking, with designated areas where they could “disport” themselves and indulge in their libations?

Picture this: a college campus transformed into a wild, wild west of “disporting” kids, eagerly staking their claims to the best spots for drinking. Just like in the Oklahoma Land Rush, there would be those who tried to get a head start, sneaking in early and hiding in bushes, dormitories, or behind textbooks, waiting for the clock to strike the designated time for drinking to commence. These early birds would earn the title of “Sooners,” just like their historical counterparts.

As the clock strikes the appointed hour, the “disporting” kids would burst out from their hiding places, sprinting towards the designated drinking area with reckless abandon. It would be a race against time, with kids jostling for position, trying to secure the best spot to quench their thirst. Just like in the Oklahoma Land Rush, there would be spills, thrills, and maybe even a few epic wipeouts as over-enthusiastic kids tripped over their own shoelaces or collided with each other in their quest for liquid refreshment.

Of course, just like in the original Land Rush, there would be rules and regulations to ensure a fair and safe “disporting” experience for all.

Boozy stampede starts
Kids “disport” in college zone
Hilarity reigns

But let’s not forget that drinking, especially for kids, should always be done responsibly and in moderation. After all, we wouldn’t want the “disporting” kids to end up with a hangover that rivals the aftermath of the Oklahoma Land Rush. So, perhaps there could be “disporting” referees who ensure that the rules are followed, and that no one gets too carried away with their “disporting” activities. They could blow their whistles and throw penalty flags for excessive drinking or unruly behavior, adding a hilarious and unpredictable element to the proceedings.

As the “disporting” kids revel in their designated drinking area, they could come up with creative ways to celebrate their newfound freedom.

Kids in a mad dash, drinks in hand,
“Disporting” in a college land,
With spills and thrills,
And “Sooners” with skills,
A boozy race that’s simply grand!

Perhaps they could hold “disporting” contests, where kids showcase their skills in chugging, beer pong, or even a “drunkathlon” that involves stumbling, hiccupping, and slurring their way through various challenges. The winners could earn the coveted title of “Chief Disporting Officer” and wear a special hat or sash as a badge of honor.


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